Give Flowers while they can still smell them.

I dedicate this piece to my young sister Sonia because she’s the inspiration behind it. I picked her up from school last Thursday for her three week holiday. While we drove home, she was anxious to engage me in all the school stories, how some students attempted to start a strike, her school trips …..Prior to this, I had reviewed her report and she had performed fairly well, I think this explains the aura of happiness and ease that she exhibited. Anyway, that’s not the reason am writing this piece.

Once we got home, she was quick to hand me a simple plaque that she had bought me – it had these words embossed on it; “Dear Sister, without your endless and ceaseless support, I don’t think I would be where I am today. Thank you for the gift of Love and Support you’ve shown me through the years. May God grant you peace dear sister”.

Am not so good at showing emotions when it comes to such things, “this is beautiful and so thoughtful of you”….that’s all I told her. But deep inside me, I was burning with so much joy at her kind gesture and form of appreciation. Off her little pocket money, God knows how many chapattis she had to forego to buy this plaque.

I shared this with my girlfriends on our different Whats App groups and before I knew it, we were talking about how important it is to appreciate people while they still live. The Reason I am writing this article.

We have gotten swallowed up in the daily routines of our lives that we hardly make time for the people we love, we don’t appreciate them and celebrate this gift of life that God has blessed us with. Thank goodness for social media that fools us into thinking that we care about friendships and love by liking, commenting, re-tweeting and sharing whatever it is yet in reality it’s a whole different story. We have invested money to buy these gadgets that keep our internet based social lives active yet invested zero time in spending time with these people “our friends” that we diligently track on social media. It’s actually easy to write on someone’s timeline that you love them but very difficult to say it to them. If only we could act what we post. People will throw all the praises about their partners, kids, friends etc all over the place but zero of that in their faces. Let social media be a fortification of that which we have already experienced, shared, said or done.  

In our African tradition, we don’t easily show affection. It’s not something that comes easy; lately the trend is changing which is pleasant. I didn’t grow up in a family where mum or dad told me they loved me, I haven’t lived with any white families but hey, these western families know how to choke their kids/partners/friends on …I love you words if they’re movies are anything to go by. Of course it goes beyond just the words, they show it. Am not saying we love our children/parents or partners any less, we actually love them so much, but it’s more of something we feel than we show or share- which brings me to this…….

What many of us practice and know is to celebrate people on their funeral. That’s when all these beautiful words are said, where all the love and appreciation is expressed. Sometimes at funerals all the flowers, messages, and tributes written would make any heart melt, but the person who would have appreciated them most cannot read them, they can’t smell those beautiful flowers. The bitter truth is that people get the most flowers when they die unlike when they still lived, we can choose to change this!

When most people pass away, they are honored with a moving memorial service and funeral.  During these services, friends and families relive their fondest memories of the deceased and talk about all the positive aspects of the deceased’s character. Personally I think it’s a great way to celebrate someone’s life; I just wonder how often the deceased got to hear such wonderful things about themselves when they were still alive. Did they know how much impact they had on their best friend’s life; did they realize how much their siblings really loved them, did they……did they……? How about we create lasting memories for the people we love while they’re living instead of wearing an “In Memory Of” or ‘Rest in Peace” tee shirt for them after they die?

Funerals and memorial services tend to draw out the most interesting crowds; a lot of the time, there are people present who the deceased hadn’t seen or talked to in months/ years. Some really supposedly close people to the departed. Nevertheless, these people feel obligated to attend the service and pay their last respects. This bothers me. I know life does get hectic; sometimes it feels as though there aren’t enough hours in the day. There’s a reason we have 24 hours a day and not more, our creator knew 24 hours is sufficient time, the time will always be there; if you prioritize these relationships then you shall create the time, choose to make them mere options and social media will fill in the gap. It’s a question of priorities and options. Many people don’t know how much they meant to us until they’re dead—we don’t always tell the people we love how much they mean to us until it’s too late. It’s always better to express how we feel when people are still alive; then the tributes we write or say when they die would be just a reinforcement of what they already knew.

If for some reason you were not able to see your spouse, parents, children, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors again after this moment, would you feel at peace in knowing that you showed and told them that you loved them and that you cared about them? If not, ask God to reveal to you the things that you should do to show love and appreciation to the ones you love. Sometimes the ones you love may not love you, but we are not to repay evil with evil but repay evil with good. If you need to make an apology, do it before the eulogy. Whatever you need to do to show your love and appreciation today, do it.

We need to take the time to say “I Love You” to our loved ones.  We need to take the time to say “Thank You” to those we are thankful for.  We need to take the time to “tip our hats” to those deserving individuals.  We need to take the time to show individuals that we care for them and appreciate the things they do for us.  We need to take the time to do all of these things plus more, before the time (opportunity) is taken away from us.

Now, don’t get so busy celebrating everyone else and forget to celebrate yourself. Express gratitude for who you are, where you have been and where you are going. There’s a purpose for each and every one of us on this planet earth, but while you go about your life’s purpose, love and care for those you encounter…it doesn’t have to be family or friends. Even our friends were once strangers; …to live is to love.

I find joy in the fact that I have grown into a more loving person, I get better at it as I grow because I have come to realize that moments, memories and experiences with people are what matter most in this life. NOT things. To those that I love I tell them, but most importantly I show them. Celebrate, love and care for people when you still can.

 

“Appreciation-Learn to give flowers while people are still living ” Joel Osten